


Soul Sucking Demon

by iArgent



Category: Naruto
Genre: Arachnophobia, Boys Kissing, Crack is my outlet, It happens, Itachi and Kakashi inexplicably on good terms, Itachi is in the village because reasons, Kakashi translates hysterical idiot, M/M, Murder happy Gaara, This story is to make you laugh, look - Freeform, not be good by any stretch of the imagination
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-23
Updated: 2015-08-23
Packaged: 2018-04-16 18:24:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,067
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4635573
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iArgent/pseuds/iArgent
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Because where Naruto gets these things. we just don't know.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Soul Sucking Demon

**Author's Note:**

> Transplant from my FF.Net account. I haven't looked at this in a while, so I'm sorry for any mistakes.
> 
> This is a crack fic, the level of which will get you arrested for carrying in public.

It was a rainy, dreary day. Just the kind that Sasuke liked. Really, this was his favorite type of day. And he was more than lucky to have encountered a sopping wet Neji on his little stroll…In the rain.

"Hyuuga."

"Uchiha."

They stared coldly at each other for a moment, before Sasuke's good mood got the best of him and made his mouth turn down slightly on one side and his eyebrows to knit together.

"Hyuuga, why are you sopping wet?"

"None of your business, Uchiha."

And that was that.

Neji turned on his heel to leave when a strong gust of wind from the oncoming storm blew his hair ever-so-slightly. But it was enough, to hook the drenched strands of chocolate hair in the tree he was sitting under.

"Damn it!" The Hyuuga snarled in unreasonable anger.

"Here, I'll help. And don't complain, you know you'll end up hurting yourself if you do this wrong."

And thus began the delicate operation of removing Neji's hair from the branch. It felt like hours, but in reality, was probably no more than five minutes.

"I suppose..Thank you…..Sasuke." Neji said with a slight blush as he tied his hair back into place.

"No problem…Neji..But, may I ask you a question?"

Neji sighed a sigh of the long suffering and then replied that yes, yes he could.

"Why isn't your chakra working?"

Neji's face slid into shadow. "Because the fricken Green Beast of the Leaf decided to show Lee that he could mimic the Hyuuga style. So, they walked up behind me and I seriously thought, for just one second, that they were harmless, then THWACK! And I was unconscious. Then, I woke up to a note stuck to my forehead that said 'Sorry' literally fifty-eight times. And now I can't go home, because if Hiashi finds out, he will wear me out with my curse seal."

Sasuke was pretty sure that nobody in the history of ever had heard that many words from the stoic Hyuuga.

"Well, why don't you stay with me until your chakra starts working again. It's better than say, Naruto?"

Neji shuddered. Sasuke suspected more from the cold weather and wetness, then any specific fear of Naruto. Neji wouldn't show it like that.

"Fine. But due to the clumsy cut off. It may take up to a week." Neji warned.

"Just don't piss me off."

* * *

The first few days went rather smoothly. The two didn't talk much and both managed fine on their own. And a comfortable silent comraderie took form. Unfortunately (Or fortunately, depending on the reader) when the fourth day rolled around. Neji noticed that Sasuke's hair shined blue in the moonlight. And that he truly had no pigment in his skin at all. It was seriously just that white. And also, his voice was such an unusually deep tenor that it seemed to make his bones vibrate. Just how did puberty hit so hard, that your voice fell THAT low? Really. It sounded wonderful.

That same day, Sasuke noticed that Neji had a beautifully tan complexion, and his hair was very shiny. They were exactly the same height. And blood type. (This after several covert breakings of the third wall to go on Naruto dot com)

However, neither really expected the sixth day, when that little pesky piece of the roof caved in. And with it came a fair to moderate sized nest filled with spiders.

Let it not be said that Neji is fearless, or fearful. He threw three shoes at the little critters, before breathlessly calling out for Sasuke, who disregarded all and any safety issues with realeasing a Katon in the house, simply to make some crunchy exoskeletans explode to save a dear, (Rather attractive) friend.

"Thanks for that. Can't stand the little things."

"It's totally okay."

The two stared at each other for a good thirty eight point nine seconds before leaning in and beginning to kiss passionately. Only to realize that a little flash of orange was running past the window shrieking something about soul-sucking.

* * *

Sasuke caught up with Naruto first, but he was inconsolably yelling the 'facts' at Kakashi-sensei already.

Kakashi, as it turns out, does not speak hysteric Naruto, gibberish, or idiot very well. But, he unfortunately does speak a little

"Wait, Naruto." Kakashi began slowly "What happened to Sasuke and Neji?"

Naruto took a deep calming breath to relax himself. "I think the Teme is a demon."

Neji by now having caught up was hiding behind the same building as Sasuke, watching it all unfold. He mouthed a silent 'What the hell?' to Sasuke, who shrugged.

"Why would Sasuke be a demon?"

Naruto's big blue eyes widened impossibly (Well not really impossibly, but, y'know) and he began to stutter out the long tale. He had gone to see Sasuke and ask him to sign a document drawn up by himself declaring Naruto the most awesome ninja ever born. But when he arrived in the Uchiha compound, he saw a flash of fire erupt from inside Sasuke's sitting room! Being the wonderful, sensitive guy (And incredible ninja) he was he ran to help, only to notice Sasuke and Neji staring at each other. Sasuke seemed to be holding him there with his eyes! Then! The Unthinkable! He leaned forward forced Neji's mouth open with his own, pulled them together, and  _began to eat his soul!_

Kakashi retained a bemused expresssion for a moment, the book he had been reading hanging limply by his side before he hit Naruto upside the head with it and walked away.

"Let's just go home.." Neji muttered.

"Sounds good." Sasuke replied, looping an arm around the brunettes waist and letting the humiliated man lean on his shoulder while Sasuke determinedly burnt the last ten to fifteen minutes from his mind.

* * *

About half an hour after leaving Naruto's company (If you can call it that) Kakashi stumbled upon Gaara the Kazekage and Itachi Uchiha making out in the woods. Seperating himself from Gaara, Itachi called a greeting.

"Hello Itachi! Your brother is gay!"

And Kakashi walked on. Leaving Gaara and Itachi to stare after him with blank and semi-shocked expessions.

Itachi tilted his head slightly. "Let's help my brother to get rid of the fangirls so he can be with his boyfriend."

Gaaras sand began exitedly swirling around.

"NO! Nooo, _no_ Gaara. I was thinking posters."


End file.
